“What makes you happy?”, few seconds pause.
“Okay tell me, what makes you sad?”, again another impatient pause.
“Tell me what motivates you?”, too many questions asked in a very short span of time and I was expected to answer immediately. Difficult question because the answers come from heart for these questions and heart is very moody in responding. If you pressurize heart it stops talking. That was the state I was in. My heart had locked itself inside a room leaving me stand outside for last several hours.
Again after few seconds, “You don’t know what makes you happy or sad or what motivates you? How would you make yourself happy.”. “Okay just tell me whether people make you happy, sad and motivated or you make yourself happy, sad or motivated.”
“What a nonsense question! If you know who makes you feel in a particular way, you can always tell what makes you unhappy and you can take care of yourself. I am unhappy and I don’t know why. Does this happen to you ever? It does not look like, that’s why you are not able to understand. I am like this and you don’t have to interfere. May I get few seconds of peace.”, I revolted to help me out from this hostile environment.
Rishi, my friend who was with me in every situation for past several years was trying to help me but I was finding his help has more like a torture.
He got angry, “You know what?? You are not worth to be anybody’s friend. You don’t respect friendship, emotions of others and hardly care about anybody. You forget people when you leave that place and that proves you don’t care for people but use them for your benefit or entertainment as long as you are around. You deserve to remain lonely and sad.”, A very violent reaction to my not-so-soft -get-out instruction. But it peaked frustration in me to the core and I shouted at him like crazy.
Next 10 minutes was my time. I vented out my frustration with the situation around me with no logical reasoning and at it’s raw form. A negative reaction, very violent, words hurting people around me, (specifically Rishi ) came out continuously without getting QA checked by my brain. I was so negative and bad in my reaction that, Tears started peeping out of Rishi’s eyes whom I know as one of the strongest person. He started quietly wiping his tears but listening to me carefully. That diverted my attention from venting out poisonous words. I kept quiet for few seconds, feeling much better as I knew what exactly what I am feeling and why. But Rishi’s tears bothered me.
I told him , “Sorry, I did not mean to hurt you but I was out of my control. “.
He stopped me and said, “My dear friend, How are you feeling now?”
I said, “Much better and very relaxed. But I am sorry for what I said to you”, and started giving explanation for the same.
“It was me who wanted you to reach to this stage knowing very well that you will burst and may damage me emotionally. Sometimes our knowledge and power of evaluating good and bad words against us. We don’t even say what is good for us, bad for us, to ourselves, because our calculative mind stops the thoughts reaching us when it finds them illogical. It takes the ‘right to think’ away from you. Your irritations or frustrations remain within you in a very unknown chamber of your heart and your calculative mind hides that from your own self.
That was the stage where you were, when I was trying to instigate and shoo away your calculative mind. The moment you got angry your calculative mind vanished and your thinking ability stopped. This helped you to vent out your emotions irrespective of how illogical it may be. That is the reason you are feeling better now.
It is called anger therapy :)”
While I understood how anger can take me out of control but also realized that a controlled anger management can help us heal many psychological problems. Like they say, “Poison can cure the harm caused by poison” or “Nail can help take out a nail”.
PS: Please do not apply this therapy unless you have control over the situation as it may get physically and emotionally violent.
– Stray Dog