“It is difficult to silent a disturbed mind. The mind which is filled with sorrow, pain, and dissatisfaction over the incidents happening around has left very little space to seek the path of peace. No good advice or suggestion can help as there is nobody on the other side listening”, Rajiv said thoughtfully referencing Sarita who has been behaving insane post her breakup of a long-standing relationship with Suketu.
“It is very difficult to state who is right and who is wrong when both the parties are your childhood friends. You know them well. You have a hundred reasons to tell them to them on their face but extremely difficult to say even a single word against them when they are not around”. Rajiv cleared his stand referring Sarita and Suketu’s bitter stage in the relationship.
“I can’t see them suffer. I know Sarita’s pain is visible but Suketu is going through extreme mental condition at this point as well but doesn’t know how to express”. I could see tears in Rajiv’s eyes. Sarita’s suicide attempt has made Rajiv extremely disturbed.
He looked at me looking for expert advice but unlike other occasions I was quiet. He stared at me for some time, “What can be done?”, he asked.
“What do you expect from me?”, I asked in return.
“You know what Sakti, you are the most selfish person I have ever seen. You were part of all enjoyments when we were together having fun but when we are devastated you are still, unmoved and irresponsible. Don’t you feel pained by the incident? Friends who were part of so many happy situations of life are disturbed but you seem unmoved.”, Rajiv shifted his focus towards me.
Still, I was quiet. I was actually unmoved by this incidence. All data that have regarding Sarita and Suketu’s incidence is vague and they give me limited visibility to the truth. There is nobody except Sarita and Suketu can give me more visibility to the incidence. Without having data to determine the best action, it is beneficial to spend time on active listening and absorbing the events of the incidence.
I could also understand Rajiv’s frustration. He wants to act and solve the problem but unable to. It makes him feel that he is making attempts by talking about his intention to help but not seeing that kind of attempt is irritating him.
Our mind is strange, it wants to work even with inadequate data and create an action plan. If it has just one data point, it will create dozen other imaginary data points and influence us to act based on those data points. That is the reason it is difficult to determine which one is perception and what is truth. Interestingly Veda’s believe everything is perception except the supreme being that resides deep inside each of us and is spread all over. Which it calls as ‘Brahman’. Hence it states Om Tat Sat (That’s the truth).
Considering everything is perception because we do not have all data points, it will be difficult to act in any if you are waiting for all data points. Hence perception is divided into two major points.
Indeterminate perceptions are merely impressions without understanding or knowledge. They reveal no knowledge of the form or the name of the object. There is only external awareness about an object. There is cognition of the object, but no discriminative recognition.
Determinate perceptions are the mature state of perceptions which have been processed and differentiated appropriately. Once the sensations have been processed, categorized, and interpreted properly, they become determinate perceptions. They can lead to identification and also generate knowledge.
It is extremely important to act or react once the perception turns to ‘determinate’ else the action that we make may become counterproductive.
Sometimes the data points are unclear. A sad person might be angry and an angry person might be sad. In this situation when Rajiv was questioning my intention with raised voice he was actually sad. But if I do not maintain my calm and try to understand the situation, I may react considering he is angry. If I do not maintain calm within, I will react with anger and state things which will hurt him. Then due to weak emotional state Rajiv will respond me with anger and it will continue to grow.
Indeterminate perception is what drives the majority of our non-routine actions. This means in your entire day more than 70% of people behave and act which are just based on indeterminate perception which means without any understanding of the situation. This is what drives us towards sorrow, unhappiness and at times pain becomes so powerful that people attempt to hurt self or near and dear ones.
What can be done? How can we change the situation?
It is by breaking the chain reaction of anger and frustration.
Below is the depiction of a person who is sad or lacks confidence. Rarely you will see this person coming to friends and sharing the sorrows or inability. This person usually expresses his/her thought to show frustration and often uses a loud voice.
Others perceive this behavior as a state of anger and disrespect for others. This perception makes the person responding angrily. Hence the reaction is anger.
Now the disease gets an angry response while expecting empathy or sympathy. hence the person gets really angry. Now anger can only grow it’s size until stopped like foam in soap water. This state is the reason for all relationship problems, breakups and suicide or murder at times.
So, now what’s the right way to address this.
- Always stay in a state of calm. Practice active meditation throughout the day.
- Listen (to understand), Listen (to help), Listen (to improve the situation).
- Speak only when it is absolutely necessary while dealing with diseased and ask questions to understand what is expected from you.
- Do not solve the problem for others but enable others to solve their problem
- Do not leave diseased alone
It is necessary to stop this infection of frustration. depression and disturbed mind. Take your step forward.